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Lady squatters – we’re talking to you.

Lady squatters and all other women – we need to agree on something, we should ALL sit down to pee!

In this time of never-ending shifting sands, there is one thing we know for sure; life as we know it has changed.  We are living through a pandemic and the need for improved hygiene is more important than ever, the panic buying of hand soap being a sure indicator of this.  We have all learned to change and adapt to what is now the “new norm”.  Masks, social distancing, gallons of hand sanitiser, long queues, one-way systems and (in my opinion, most importantly) limited access to any public toilets.

I think we’ve all realised that we have taken lots of things for granted in our daily lives, and for me access to a public toilet has been one of them.  As a keyworker, driving is essential in my job.  I had a map of the public toilets I could use on my routes in my mind that was entirely changed by lockdown.

I assume you’re wondering, how this led to me writing a blog.  Well I’ll be honest; I have reached an age where when I need to go to the toilet…I REALLY NEED to go! Most of us will use the toilet between 6-8 times a day, so, it’s pretty routine, or IS IT?

When I use the toilet, be that out and about or in the comfort of my own home, it’s a case of rushing in, sitting down comfortably and, instant relief.  I feel a sense of achievement, I made it! Now imagine my surprise when my long-time friend informed me, she was a “Lady squatter”.

I am aware of people who occupy a property and don’t pay rent and I vaguely remember something to do with an exercise class but what has “squatting” got to do with going for a pee I asked?  With a slap of her thighs she told me that her years of training (squatting / hovering) over the toilet seat, have given her the thighs of an Olympic gymnast. Now forgive me but I have no interest in becoming an Olympic gymnast nor have I ever considered, hovering over a toilet seat a life ambition.

I admit though, this made me curious – “how many other lady squatters are out there?” and more importantly… “WHY”?

As you can imagine there isn’t a lot of statistical data available on the subject, however it is estimated that almost half of women in the USA “hover or squat”. Who knew there were so many budding gymnasts in the States? For me the clue is in the name: it’s called a toilet seat – indicating you sit on it.

I am sure there will be a small number of ladies who will be of “Olympian” standard in the “hovering or squatting” discipline.  They will be able to deliver the perfect pee, whilst keeping their behind elevated away from the seat. However, others with hip, knee and back conditions (us ordinary mortals) can’t aspire to that perfect delivery and when we try it, we can miss the mark by quite some distance. Truly champion lady squatters are a rare breed.

In reality, the risk of your backside catching anything from the toilet seat and somehow transferring this to your mouth or nose is pretty minimal. After all, you are presumably going to wash your hands, immediately upon exiting the cubicle and the issue of germs on the seat is thoroughly exacerbated by our fellow ladies exercising their thighs.

So, on behalf of all of us non-Olympic squatters, please sit down. Unless you have the thighs of Wonder Woman, be kind to those who have long lost control of their pelvic floor and like me have seconds to get on the seat. Please just sit down! 

August 3, 2020 9:53 am

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